Healing Birth Trauma

The Genil river, near its birth, Sierra Nevada, Granada Province, Spain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Part of my journey in becoming a midwife is healing from my own traumatic birth experiences. I have come to accept the deep anger and sadness that come with what many people are calling “birth rape.” Some people feel that calling any birth experience, no matter how violent, “rape” diminishes victims of a violent sexual crime. I think that there just isn't a word to adequately describe the crime of forcing unwanted interference on a woman during childbirth. I was coerced with lies, touched with hands and needles, and even cut (into my vagina) against my wishes. Make no mistake, it should be criminal.

I believe we have incredible creative power in life. We are not mere victims of chance. My experiences were part what my society has created collectively and part what I had created. I had a very negative attitude towards birth, especially hospital birth. I had irrational thoughts about the intentions of the hospital staff. I didn't welcome the support that was available to me (My mom wanted to be there, but I didn't want her help. I irrationally and incorrectly assumed she would only encourage me to be obedient to hospital routines.)

If you too have been disappointed or traumatized by a birth experience, your feelings are valid. Anger, guilt, and sadness are normal. It's okay to feel like you lost or missed out on something special. Acknowledging those feelings is an important part of healing. Know too that you are not alone. Other women have been there.

Find the support you weren't given during childbirth. Be as gentle with yourself as possible. You are in charge of every moment from now on. It's important that you don't let the negativity cloud your life, but that doesn't mean you forget or stop talking about what went wrong. It's important that we hear about what happened so it doesn't keep happening. There is much to learn from positive stories, but there is something to be learned from negative stories too. Some people may not want to listen, but others will hear you.